Money Management

Are You Outsourcing Your Sovereignty to Those Who’d Exploit Your Financial Insecurities?

I was not invited to join the 8th-grade girls’ secret society.

You know, the one where you learn how to apply lipstick, how to french kiss without being grossed out, and how to wear thongs comfortably (is that even possible?). As a result, I have always felt Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie is a more credible woman than I am, especially when I try to walk in high heels.

That’s why I am a lamb being led to financial slaughter whenever I belly up to a makeup counter.

I surrender my sovereignty to the experts willing to exploit my insecurities.

I spend way too much money

on beautiful eyeshadows that will never be artfully applied,

6 kinds of creams that will never be slathered upon my woefully desiccated, large-pored, and wrinkled skin,

or the palette knives and brushes needed for the mysterious and hastily taught but never-to-be-performed-again beauty regimen.

What does this TMI have to do with your money, you ask?

You do the same f*cking thing, except with your assets.

Yeah, you.