Life Lesson

Shine a Light on Your Shameful Secrets and Set Yourself Free

Discover the Antidote to Shame

I am a mix of Okinawan and WASP and I have no feelings.

Both cultures value tight lips, stiff upper lips, and an even keel. My family motto would have been “never complain, never explain, and never say you’re sorry” except for the Japanese part that expects profuse and elaborate apologies.

My IQ is thus a lot higher than my EQ.

Shame is the worst feeling. Shame demands secrecy. When we keep our “dirty little secrets” from the people we love, we feel alone. Shame grows more powerful the longer it’s kept in the dark.

A college drinking game of true confessions pried my childhood shame out of me.

Once, when I was 7 and hanging out at a hotel in St. Martin F.W.I, as one does being the child of car rental agency owners, I got bored. So I hung out by the guy tinkling the piano keys and watched him like a besotted groupie. More kids joined me.

Then I had to go to the bathroom.

I rushed through the whole business, afraid of missing out. When I got back everyone looked at me funny. In my haste, I’d failed to wipe my butt properly and smelled of poop. I was mortified.

I nurtured this horrible, shameful secret for ten years.

The instant I’d confessed it though, the shame vanished. I felt lighter. A wave of relief flooded me. The spell was broken, and the shame was gone.

The antidote for shame is confession.

If you liked this article and want to read more, please subscribe, follow me on Twitter, LinkedIn, friend me on Facebook or visit my website.